High School Reunion

Karthik stood hesitantly at the doorstep.

It was a chilly damp Saturday morning in January. The bungalow was in deep sleep. Distant enough from the road, it seemed as if the building was going to stay asleep for a few more hours, at the least. The security at the gate, overcome with lethargy of his uninteresting life, wasn’t any different.

But it wasn’t any of this that caused Karthik his newfound hesitation. Even before his twenties, he had started a fight for life with his adamantly thin physique and by now, a bungalow fence didn’t cause him much trouble.

His troubles were different.

This was new to him, this sense of confusion. Perhaps Rajan was wrong. He shouldn’t have come. But when Rajan says something, you do it. Even if you don’t want to. No questions asked.

So he stood staring at the doorbell, under the defiant sky threatening to rain at this time of the year, wondering what to do. Finally, he muttered to himself,

“This is not too much for you. You can do this”

With closed eyes, he rang the doorbell.

Mathew woke up, almost falling off his bed. The phone told him it was 6.10 in the morning. Irritation crept on to him. This was supposed to be his day off. Away from work. Away from Annie and kids. Away from pestering complaints and daunting deadlines.

Life wasn’t always like this for him. Even though he would be surprised now, there was a time when Mathew used to be happy. Content with life. As an up and coming Sub-Divisional officer he was well on his way to the Delhi cabinet circle. Until he made the wrong enemies. A rapid descent saw him as a sub collector in a rural district in Tamil Nadu. It didn’t seem a bad deal to anyone else. Not even to his father. Otherwise things would’ve been different. But no. George Tharakan felt this was fine. So there he was, ‘trapped’ in his own words, in a life he didn’t want, in a marriage that didn’t excite him anymore, showing signs of exhaustion, premature greying in otherwise jet black curls and a slowly but frivolously growing tummy.

So it was a welcome change, when his father asked him to handle the sale of the ancestral home in Palakkad, Kerala. It didn’t take him much thinking to concur. He had a full day to himself, uninterrupted by no one.

Mathew staggered off the bed, the irritation still on him like a perfume. The buyer was supposed to come on Sunday. Even if they wanted to come today, this is too early for a visit. And hadn’t he instructed the security to not disturb him at all? Idiot must’ve dozed off.

He opened the door. On the other side, Mathew saw a man, he assumed to be about his age, though with much better physique than him and longer hair. The patio lights gave him a fairer complexion which he felt didn’t belong to this stranger. Though, he couldn’t help an unnerving sense of familiarity in that face, which left him slightly uneasy.

“Do I know you?” Mathew conversed.

“Mathew?”

“Yes. Who are you?”

“It’s me Mathew. Karthik.” The uninvited guest smiled unsurely through pursed lips.

Mathew wasn’t sure how to reply.

“Karthik! How long has it been…?” He failed to conjure up words.

“10 years, give or take.”

Mathew sighed. He was overwhelmed. Regaining some composure, he invited Karthik inside.

Karthik didn’t recognise Mathew at first. Of course, it had been so many years. But he always believed he’d be able to recognise him if they came face to face at some point. If not for the address, he’d have thought he was at the wrong door. For a second, he even considered it.

He stepped into the house, slightly aghast, though one couldn’t see it on his face. This was one of his many ‘abilities’ so to speak that he’d acquired over the years. But today was different. Today, he was afraid his face would betray him.

“Go ahead, sit.”, Mathew offered a seat.

Karthik took a seat in the sofa. He felt awkward. It wasn’t difficult to see Mathew felt the same. This was going nowhere. But then again, it’s been so long. For a moment, Karthik was lost in thoughts.

“So what are you doing now”, Mathew’s sudden inquiry made him jump.

“I… it’s a timber factory. I work there. I look after things. Accounts, this and that.”

“Well, that’s… nice. So you’re doing alright.”

“Look who’s talking. Sub-collector!”

“Oh no. It’s not… I’m not doing as good as I wanted. It’s not what I expected.”

“But you wanted this. Since school. You worked for this and you got it. Aren’t you happy?”

“Yes I did. Yes, I was. But it’s not as easy as you think. The ideas and ideals don’t work in reality. You have to be practical about some things. And when you do that, you have to let go of some morals”

“You mean money.”

“What?”

“Nothing. How’s your family? How’s your wife and kids?”

“They’re fine. They’re ok.” Mathew looked as if he’s desperate to change the topic. Karthik wasn’t too fond of it either. He felt melancholy dripping from his host. He felt some of it roll out of himself.

“Do you want coffee? I make great coffee.” Mathew suggested a digression.

“Sure”, Karthik conceded.

“Give me 5 mins.”

Mathew felt odd. Why is he here? And so early in the morning? And why did the security let him in? He had instructed the security to leave around 7am, without waking him up. He had craved for absolute loneliness today. To detach himself from the people he despised. That’s not likely now. However, he wasn’t irritated anymore. Though awkward, he felt an odd mellowness with Karthik’s presence. That made him feel more human. At times things of past can revive your inner self, reminding yourself who you are. Somehow, that chain of thought made him feel even more uncomfortable.

He went back with two cups of coffee.

“How did you get in? The security would’ve stopped you”, he asked, sitting down.

“Oh that. The poor thing was dozing. It felt bad to wake him up. So I jumped the fence.” Karthik giggled, without the playfulness, Mathew recalled, he was very fond of.

“How did you know I was here, anyway?”

“I didn’t. My timber factory is nearby. I pass this house every day. There was a delivery today early morning. I was coming back from it and saw a car parked outside. I knew it wasn’t your father’s taste. So I guessed it’d be you”.

Karthik looked around for a moment.

“I wasn’t sure if I should come in. I almost didn’t”

He looked back at Mathew.

“It took me a lot of effort to put myself in front of you Muff…”, he stopped midway.

Mathew felt a sudden bolt of shock in his chest, which gave away to anguish. He remained frozen, unable to move. He had to say something.

“How’s your family?”

Mathew regretted it immediately. He saw Karthik’s face change, from agony to pulping anger, as he yelled.

“What? Family? My Family? Don’t you remember what happened to my family”

Mathew looked apologetically at Karthik, unable to say anything.

“They threw me out Mathew. Denounced me. From my home, from school. Not you”

Mathew felt the accusation in Karthik’s words. He felt its edge slashing him.

“Just me. The uncouth son of a miserable low caste.”

“Karthik please”

“Weren’t those your father’s words?”

Guilt striking him, Mathew fell onto his knees, and pleaded.

“Cat, no please”.

Karthik rushed onto him, falling on his knees, and took Mathew’s face in his hands. They stared at each other, the past weighing on them… empty dorm rooms… the clearing behind water tank… rain drops and sweat glistening on grass under the morning sun… moments passed without notice, and Mathew didn’t realize he wasn’t looking at Karthik anymore. His eyes were closed. His lips were parted, his tongue curled around sensing the wet friction, a warmth that he hadn’t felt for the longest time. Breathing heavily, he opened his eyes to see Karthik’s face all over him. It wasn’t how he remembered it. The skin was more tight, with marks all around. The eyes had sunk too deep. His thoughts came back to present abruptly as he pulled back from the kiss and pushed Karthik away.

“No. I’m not… I’m not… I’m sorry. I can’t”

Karthik sat back on the floor. Outside, rain had started to fall, rather heavily. Yet, it felt strangely too quiet. It suffocated him. The agony had faded to a dull throb. He was at a loss. This isn’t why I’m here. He said to himself. He shouldn’t have come. He was afraid of this. He was weak in front of Mathew. But Rajan wouldn’t agree. Rajan insisted that this would help him in the path he has chosen. Raise him to fight for something more than himself. Rajan, who took him from the streets, gave him a life, a purpose, taught him to see the society for what it is. He owes everything to Rajan. Yet, Karthik felt powerless to act. To do what is necessary. He had to do what is necessary. It’s beyond ourselves. Beyond an individual. He felt a sudden calm, that was deterministic and potent.

“I’m here to kill you.”

Karthik saw the bewilderment in Mathew’s face. He continued, looking away.

“The land deal you pulled off. You allowed encroachment on acres of land. Land that rightfully belonged to the indigenous tribal people. You destroyed the habitat of hundreds of people, for money. You are corrupted, Mathew.”

Mathew seemed stoned. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t defend himself. Karthik waited, unsure of what he was waiting for. Perhaps he wanted Mathew to come up with an explanation so that he wouldn’t have to do it. Karthik was looking for excuses, in vain. The rain roared outside, leaving the house in dark filling the air with frigid unease.

“Say something!!” Karthik finally yelled.

“What do you want me to say? Whether I did it? You know I did it. That’s why you’re here. So if you’re here to kill me, I suggest you better get on with it.”

His words registered resentment. Karthik felt the knife in his back stuffed between his trousers and butt. However, before he could take it out, Mathew rolled off from the floor. As Karthik proceeded to unravel his weapon in response, Mathew moved swiftly to the nearby desk, picking up an old Beretta from the drawer. Karthik pounced forward, knife in hand. Mathew jumped over the diwan, loading the revolver and fired. Karthik lunged behind the sofa, narrowly escaping the bullet. Karthik counted ‘one’ in his mind. He looked over the sofa and saw Mathew stealing a look outside.

“The security is gone, Mathew. He was taken right after I got inside. You’re alone.”

Mathew fired at the sofa. Karthik ducked. Two. Mathew moved back and to the side for better vantage. Karthik kept moving in response.

“He’ll be fine Mathew. He isn’t guilty. You are though.”

Mathew fired and missed again. Three. The sofa won’t hold much anymore. Karthik jumped to his right towards the diwan, Mathew fired in vain. Four. Karthik then lunged towards Mathew, in zigzag. Mathew fired. The bullet grazed Karthik’s left shoulder as he ducked. Five. Before the next shot, Karthik kicked hard at Mathew’s hand sending the gun in the air. He slashed hard and Mathew dodged left. Karthik went again, this time with a gut on Mathew’s neck. Mathew fell on to the floor headlong, holding a hand to the cut, tasting blood. He reached for the gun with the other hand, and turned. Karthik stepped forward for the final blow. Mathew fired, hitting Karthik below his right shoulder. He fired again, but the gun clicked.

“Six” Karthik said, as he tumbled on to his knees.

He crawled on all fours, knife in hand towards Mathew. Mathew tried smacking the gun to his head which he blocked, pinning him down. He placed the knife to Mathew’s larynx. He paused, determined to strike, yet unsure. The more he stared at Mathew, the weaker he felt.

“Why?” He asked.

Mathew smiled, spurting blood. Karthik held his hand towards the wound. He took his face closer to Mathew’s. He was whimpering in pain.

“Tell me why” Karthik whispered under his sob.

“Dad. I… never learned to say… no to him. Not when he… made them throw you… out of school, not now.”

Karthik closed his eyes. He grinded his teeth in sorrow.

“I have to do this. I’m sorry. But you deserve this.”

He thrust the edge of the knife forward, and looked on as life went off from Mathew’s eyes. He fell onto the side. He took Mathew’s hand, holding onto it and lay writhing in pain. Not from the bullet that tore his shoulder, but from the memories that refused to fade. Memories of the only love of his life. Outside, the rain slowly faded to a drizzle.